Zombie Majority (by ThoseArentMuskets)

Majorities are crucial in a healthy democratic system.
Enjoy Michael Swaim & Co. over at ThoseArentMuskets.com
…it’s definitely worth your wasteful time. 

Miss B-Haven (May 14th)

Dear Miss B-Haven,

What are the acceptable wedding outfits?  Are there levels of outfits, and can I get away with the ”no jacket, no tie” approach if I’m only a guest?  I hate formal wear, and I’m stuck with FIVE weddings this summer with my girlfriend.

Rather Stay @ Home, 

Scranton, Pa

Dear Rather Stay at Home,

I wanted to come to work today without my pants because it’s comfortable, but did I, NO! Why, because I’m an adult and that’s part of life’s responsibilities.  Think of these weddings like a job, you are going with your girlfriend and relationships are work (especially when it comes to being a guest at a wedding!!)

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AthertonAve celebrating the great geekdom in all of us!

Monday’s BONUS 80s Music Video Break:

Since we missed last Tuesday, we make amends with a double-feature for this week.

Holding Out for a HeroBonnie Tyler (1985)

Bonnie Tyler could arguably reappear on our list at least three more times. We’ll give her due to this mid-decade blast, Holding Out for a Hero.
Originally penned for the Footloose soundtrack, another album of fathomless awesomeness likely to be featured heavily in this series, our attention instead focuses on the music video that followed the release of the film. 
In it, our Miss Tyler, suffers the worst fate of any homestead maiden: Her house is firebombed, and she is forced, shoulder-pads and all, to flee.

She can only run so far (like, geez, 15 feet?!?) until three dark and shadow cowboys surround her menacingly, lassos whipping lazily as they…..oh for crissakes…the cowboys show up to rape her.

But like any poor scripted feature, they decided to let her sing, giving time for her white knight (dressed in all in white, including his gun, just in case the viewer can’t process symbolism) to arrive.

And arrive he does, after 2 stanzas and a partial bridge..most likely, in his defense, because he was waylaid by uncontrollable aerobicizing (drop the lyrics AND LISTEN to the music).

Her hero on his white steed, looking uncomfortably a bit TOO fabulous in that suit, chases the villains off…presumably killing them, but we cannot know as the climatic battle is rather lame (probably because the director blew the budget on filming on location at the Grand Canyon).

So her cowboy hero shows up at the end..while her house still burns. Whether to carry her off to rapturous eternal pleasure…or maybe to finish the rape.  We just never find out.

But so much better than Footloose.

Poems for Men (part deux)

"Poems for Men"

Motor is revvin now
ya got me drivin in the fast lane
shiftin through your gears
pavin my own way
your curves shine in the sun
you and me, on the run

This is about a car.

-Robert Frost Junior Jr.

Miss B-Haven (May 6th)

This Sunday, May 8th, Mothers all over will be receiving cheesy handmade cards, sloppy breakfast in bed and cheap jewelry from Wal-Mart, why, because it’s Mother’s Day.  Another Hallmark holiday, another day we feel obligated to make others feel special (shouldn’t we be doing that several times a year?!?!).

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(an original cartoon from two original artists - an AthertonAve special weekly feature)

(an original cartoon from two original artists - an AthertonAve special weekly feature)

Tags: hodge

The Hobo Rants (May 5th)

(AthertonAve note: Continue after the jump at your own risk…or personal taste)

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Minor Matchmaker (by joeyanddavid)

For any detractors to AthertonAve’s subcontracted odds-maker, we leave you with this clip, so as to further justify Mr Cage’s #1 pre-ranking.

(probably should note this clip is also NSFW)

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